NFL Playoff Teams as Star Wars Characters
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Shout out to Riz Ahmed (aka Nas from The Night Of) on playing “the pilot in Rogue One”
Patriots - Boba Fett — Here to do there job. Not noble, unscrupulous, unapologetic, they’ll sell out whomever they must, in order to claim their bounty. Not good guys, not bad guys, just effective. Not perfect, not the most talented but they will throw the kitchen sink at you.
Cowboys — The Death Star from Return of the Jedi. Deadly when operational — but less fortified than it’d predecessor. The 1990’s cowboys were like the original death star - the only weakness of that team was the vanity of Jerry Jones and the after Jimmy Johnson’s departure, the weakness was Barry Switzer.
This team looks a lot like those teams — but they aren’t as dominant — and the Giants seem to be their Kryptonite — I foresee a “moon of Endor” like siege on them — and the Ewoks might just be the Giants
Chiefs — Mace Windu (Samuel L Jackson Character) - Mainly because Windu is the only character to have a purple lightsaber and Tyreek Hill is the Purple Lightsaber of the NFL this season - one of a kind. Ultimately, Mace Windu’s demise comes sooner than we’d have thought, and this could be the same for the Chiefs. But, if with that purple lightsaber, these guys have a shot to go all the way.
Falcons - Jyn Erso from Rogue One — talented and calm under pressure at fortunate to this point — but may run out of chances - because the odds aren’t in their favor and their past doesn’t line up well with getting out alive. I do think they can do some damage - Hot take alert — I think the Falcons have the best chance to beat the NY Giants if they somehow end up playing each other.
Steelers— Darth Maul (of the Phantom menace): Remember the double light saber? Remember his expert training in the martial art ofTeras Kasi. It took both Qui-GonGinn and Obi-won to kill him — and when you combine the X factor of Big Ben, and the double edged sword of La’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown — you’ve got the most formidable offense force in the galaxy. In addition- the Steelers tend to be stubborn, set in theirgame plan ways and prone to taking chances — which means when things aren’t going to plan, they are vulnerable.
Seahawks — Lando Calrissian — Lando has the ability to save the day and the ability to double cross his friends. Lot of parallels with the seahawks. They have Swag, they have talent, they’re not afraid to talk a little trash and like Lando - they’ve got a track record of success in big situations. But, sometimes they aren’t simpatico and when they aren’t their “magic” is gone.
Texans— Jar Jar Binks — between the fact the the injured JJ Watt is more “america’s sweet heart” and Papa John’s pitchman than Defensive menace these days, and the fact that Brock Osweiler is a long, lanky, occasionally goofy player, who keeps getting changes to play a role - inexplicably(in the vain of Jar Jar) I think these team is Jar Jar. Not saying they can’t surprise a team or two — just like Jar Jar BUT — i’d be shocked
Packers - Han Solo — flying by the seat of their pants. Getting it done with smoke & mirrors. Making outlandish claims and finding a way to back it up. Improvising. Aaron Rodgers and Han Solo are similar dudes and by extension the Packers offense is always a dangerous threat and always a candidate to self-destruct — especially away from home
Raiders — Rey (Daisy Ridley’s character): Even before Derek Carr got hurt — I felt like these guys were a “year away” - like Rey there’s a chance these guys could be the “future” of the league but it will be a hard battle, and now with Carr injured, these guys are going to have to work even harder to hope that their fate mirrors what we all believe Rey’s will be.
Giants - The Ewoks — I hate the giants - so much. And the little boy and me loves the Ewoks, so this is a hard sell to make. But, here it goes. The Ewoks have no business going toe to toe with the Empire. But somehow, they stuck to what they were good at, were willing to sacrifice themselves for the cause and got just lucky enough in catching their opponents off guard to prevail. The Ewoks win ugly with a limited offense and solid defense, so might the Giants. They’ve done it before.
Dolphins — Finn from the Force Awakens — IN OVER THEIR HEADS - BUT AWESOME to see them at the party - Could be interesting.
Lions — Empire Strikes Back Luke Skywalker or Phantom Menace Obi-Won or attack of the Clones Anakin Skywalker = Gun Slinger QB, all the talent in the world, not ready for the big time, and it’ll show.